I just had the wind knocked out of me because this is EXACTLY the thing I try to explain over and over again to people when I’m trying to convey WHY it hurt as much as it did to finally be in an actual reciprocating relationship and then have that taken away.
It’s because this. For years, this was the entirety of my experience as a romantic partner - just grateful to get anything, even from someone who physically and/or personally repulsed me. Even from someone who wouldn’t admit to dating me in public.
So now that I’ve learned - and accepted - that I deserve more, now that I’ve grasped my own ability to choose a partner, I’ve also finally learned what it’s like to lose someone you actually LIKE.
Goddamn. It hurts a lot.
I’m not saying it hurts skinny people less, but I am saying that someone different from me in this sense would have had a different experience as a younger person - no less desperate, perhaps, but able to better grasp the reciprocity thing. So for me, at the age of 37 38, to have lost a “real” relationship for the first time is as devastating as it probably was for another person who did not feel like they should settle, was obligated to take what they could get…as devastating as it was for them when they experienced it for the first time at a much younger age.
how to oversleep through 24 alarms: an autobiography
OH MY FUCKING GOD… I thought I was the only one…
Here’s a tip. There is a free app for iphone and android that will force you to solve simple math problems before you can shut off the alarm. Because there’s no better way to start the day than breaking your phone out of frustration!
do not listen to the person talking about the app that forces you to do math problems, all it has done for me is taught me how to do simple math problems while half asleep and then go back to sleep… I have a problem